Random Thoughts

Random thoughts for a random day. Derrick's first day went really well. Great actually. He worked 5-2 and then 3-9. Better him than me is all I can say! I don't know if I could do it!
Today we have another long day. He works until 3 and then I'm leaving early to take Myles to an appt. at 4:30. So we'll swing by and pick up Gina and bring her to daddy while we do that.
Then I have my second night of bible study tonight at 6. Hopefully I don't miss much, if any of that. It was cancelled last week due to the power outages and I missed a big part of it the week before that.
I'm looking forward to that. To the fellowship time it brings and to a time dedicated to getting closer to God.
It's funny, these last couple of days we've had some really postive changes, yet I just feel, well, blah. I've had some struggles lately with Myles and some things going on with work have just left me feeling sort of low and defensive. Misunderstood. I think we all have times like that.
The good part is I know God is with me, and I know I can turn this all over to him. I know that through him I can be restored, re-energized, and lifted up. It's just a matter of taking the time to lower the wall I've built around myself and spend some much needed time with him.
I am having some revelations about myself through this expereince though. I've realized the past few months have made me skeptical. I'm cautious to fully accept good news for fear that there is a "catch". I've become doubtful of people and less trusting.
This is such a crazy time in our world with everything happening in the economy, the potential bailout plan, etc it feels like everything is just a little haywire.
What I've realized though is I kept thinking things would be smoother "when". When Derrick found a job. When we settled on an apartment. When we got moved. When the house is settled. Now that one of those "whens" has happened I think I'm realizing that there will always be more.
Always something else left undone or uncertain. That's why it's even more important to enjoy every season in life and not let anyone steal our joy, right?
Somehow today just feels like it should be a cloudy, cold, grey day so that I could have stayed home and in bed all day just curled up and licking my wounds, but it's a beautiful sunny day today.
So, I think I'll spend some time at lunch talking to God and getting my thoughts together.....

Wednesday is the day!!!

Wednesday is Derrick's first day on the job.




Let's just all be silent for a moment and reflect on the awesomeness of that statement.


Huge exhale.


Enough said.

What a day and TMJ

We had a hectic day yesterday. Myles and I had dentist appointments together. Loads of fun there, huh?
He actually did really well. Got right in the chair and was an AWESOME patient. I was a proud mom. Unfortunately, he does have two cavities. How embarassing. She did tell me though that we could not have prevented them, it is just his anatomy and the way his teeth are. That made me feel slightly better.
Me on the other hand? I'm sure I set o record of some sort, but not the kind you want to set. I have a mouth FULL of cavities. None can be sen or felt yet, they are all in between my teeth. And it's from not flossing. I'm sorry, but I HATE flossing. BUT, the fact I now have an 1800 dollar dental bill heading my way when I get this work done may be just what I need to change my mind about that. Thank GOD Derrick's job offers dental insurance. That will help. But when you need to make three appointments to go back and get fillings done, it is NOT a good sign.
ANd, my TMJ has ben bothering me a lot lately. I didn't even know I hsad it until a few years ago, but I've bee having a lot of jaw pain and getting a lot of headaches lately. Not cool. And "opening wide" for 45 minutes while my teeth were being cleaned did not help. She did give me a couple of suggestions, but basically said I'd just need to see someone that specializes in that area as it can be very complicated.
I don't know why it hasn't bothered me until recently, but maybe it';s like everything in life. Once you start getting older everything hurts worse. lol
Mom... Dad....which one of you can I blame bad teeth and TMJ on?? Just kidding!!!
After that Derrick and I had a few erronds to run. It was torture. I wonder if I left one of my kids out in public one day if they'd know how to find their way home. Oh wait. Did I just say that??
Goodness gracious they can drive me crazy though. I love them dearly, but they are like oil and water. They do not mix. Separately they are the best kids you could hope to meet. Together?? Together they get left with their daddy a lot while I go to a different part of the store and act like I don't know any of them! lol
If I could just get Gina to stop shouting mommy every time she sees me I might be able to pull it off. The little rascal.
AS soon as we got home Derrick had to go to work. By the time I got dinner and laundry done I had HAD it. That was the kind of day you need to go look at them while they are sleeping and seem so cute and peaceful.

So, Outback is OUT!

I know I'm not the only one that has noticed that this restaurant is ALWAYS crowded. No matter when you go. So it has to be good, right?
I received a gift certificate at work a few months back to go. Derrick and I decided that we would hold on to it until he got a job, and then we would go together and celebrate. Without the kids.
BUT, you all know me too well for that, right?
We did wait until he had a job, but...I pushed him into going last Friday...the day we found out. And, it was awful. Really. We waited forever, got a terrible server, and then waited forever again for our food. When it did come it was all hard, overcooked and just gross. Even Gina pushed it away and said yuck. You know it's bad when she won't even eat it. She's like Mikey. She'll eat anything.
The manager ended up comping our entire meal (well, minus my Wallabe Darned...but that was so good it was okay). So, we still had the gift certificate to use. So, tonight I pushed Derrick into going again and just choosing a different location. So we went to the one in Northagte instead.
It started out good. No wait, great server. But then Gina's diaper leaked. Why does this ONLY happen in public and never at home? I mean really?? So I sent Derrick out to the car for the diaper bag (at least we had it) and took Gna to the bathroom , with Myles tagging along. Of course.
So we get in the bathroom and everything goes pitch black. No one seems to notice but me, and Myles and I'm wondering why no one else seems to notice. Isn't that a pretty big thing??
So we finish up our business in the dark (good time) and go out to the restaurant. They have lost power. Seriously folks.
At this point we only have our drinks and the bloomin Onion. (And I didn't even get my Wallabe Darned this time!!!) All of the other servers are just telling their tables that they can leave...even the ones sthat have clearly eated and were ready to pay. But not our server. She was no where to be found. When we do find her she tells me she'll manually add up the bill and be back to us. ???? Seriously? for a Coke Myles spilled on the way to the bathroom, and a glass of water and an appetizer we didn't get to eat)SO I told her we had a gift card, could she even ring it up? She said if they couldn't she could manually take down the information and then ring it in when the power did come up.
Honestly.
So the rest of the story is between me, Derrick and God, and I will just leave the ended up to your imagination so it's not in writing. lol
Anyone want a 44 dollar gift card to Outback??? (yes, my drink cost 6 dollars, and I'd do it again!!!) (And yes, I do still have it for the full amount minus the drink I got the first time).
Guess that kind of gives away the ending, huh? lol

Happy Friday!

We're looking forward to the weekend! Derrick is home with the kids today for what could be their last day of "boy time" (with only cute little girls welcome to join them) as he starts his job this Wednesday. After that he'll most likely be off on Sunday's and Monday's, so the kids will start going to the sitters all 4 days (Tues-Fri).
He was going to take them to the zoo, but I think I made him nervous with all my questions regarding his preparedness to do that. I think instead he has decided to take them to Cincinnati Mills where they get to play in the playland, and then they go to the movie theater and Myles plays a few of the games inside. Myles loves it and looks forward to it all week. He collects quarters all week and keeps them in a wallet, and this morning he made sure he asked me where his wallet is...he knows what the day has in store for him!
Plus, I got a fully cooked breakfast before I left! While I do frozen french toast or pancakes for breakfast (if even that) when I have the kids, Derrick always cooks. Eggs, bacon and toast! But usually it's long after I'm gone and I miss out.
But, since Myles found my phone this morning at 5 am and figured out how to use the speed dial function, he called Derrick and my mom to see if they were up. (Sorry mom)! So, Derrick got up early and started cooking, and I got to join them! And I left just in time....just as the kids were starting to fuss at each other!
I think little boys come preprogrammed to know how to irritate the heck out of their sisters. It's amazing.
The other day I got all over Myles for pestering Gina, and Derrick asked why I was being so harsh with him. I told him I was determined to protect her from the big brother harassment! lol He does things just to annoy her, and he does a good job at it.
That being said, maybe Derrick is getting off lucky by not watching them one day a week. !!! :)
So now I'm at work and it is S L O W!!!! No one is here. There's just a few of us, and I already know it's going to be a long day!!!
Tomorrow we have a showing on our house (yay!), and then I'm not sure what we'll do. But we're trying to squeeze in as much family time as we can as once Derrick starts his new job he'll be working 70 hours a week!
Hope you are all having a good friday!!!

Still doing our happy dance!

We're still so excited that
DERRICK GOT A JOB!!!!

YAY!!


Things have been a little hectic here with lots going on. I was too nervous to update or even say anything all week last week. We knew it was getting close and I think I wanted it even more than Derrick, if that's possible.

We had our second meeting for our Bible Study last week, and I also had a great talk with our pastor. It was totally unplanned, but very helpful and very cool the way it came about. I think God set it up for us. I ended up missing a big portion of the meeting, but I think it was worth it.
We have our third meeting tomorrow.
Myles finally goes back to school tomorrow after the strong wind storm we had here knocked out everyone's power for so long.

We feel a huge sense of relief, and I am slowly starting to see the plan God has layed out for us. This was the first big piece of the puzzle, and now we can start putting the rest of it together. Slowly but surely we're changing our entire lives for the better.

It's been a long day and night though, and I am ready for bed. Hope you all had a good day!

And on a lighter note....

(maybe this should be under my last post)....
Here are some more fun things happening:
Myles is asleep for the night. At 6 pm. I think the start of school has worn him out.
Gina has been saying "night night" for a while, so I'm gonna go play with her alone (rare circumstance) and then put her to bed.
Derrick is working til 1 am.
Do you know what that will mean? It will be quiet! No noise!! I have never been so sensitive and aware of noise as I have been since I had two kids. Quiet used to go unnoticed to me, or maybe even seem eery. Now I love it. The sound of nothing!!!
Myles has started eating for Cindy again. Finally. It's been a couple months since he's had lunch. But the last two days he ate without gagging.
He's learning the letter O in school and the numbers 0 and 1. He made an octopus yesterday and is looking forward to going back.
Tomorrow is my second night of the Beth Moore bible study and I have all of my "homework" done.
Okay...I'm off to play, do night night and sit alone in a dark room listening to nothing. lol Just kidding. Sort of.

Here is my prayer for tonight.

Or maybe it's just more of a question for you all. Just something I'm struggling with in my heart and thought I'd throw out to you.
When the bible tells us that we need to have complete faith and trust in God, and we really want to do that, yet we still find ourselves asking questions and feeling anxious, how do we rectify that?
How do we get ourselves to the point that we trust in God's plan, his timing, and realize that he has control over everything and stop questioning "what if's" and "whys" and whens"?
Is that something that even people much further down the spiritual journey path continue to work on, or at some point does it just "click"?
It's so easy to do when things are going well, right? Although maybe that's not even the case. How often do we really stop to praise God and thank him for all of the things that do go well in our lives? Or do we just accept it, not even realizing we've just been blessed and go one with our daily routine?
When things feel uncertain or rocky though, it's so easy to question what the plan is and how things will work out. It's true in so many circumstances. Obviously it fits in our case with Derrick looking for a job, and our house being for sale, but that's just one small example.
Why is it so easy to just accept the good things in life with little realization or acknowledgment that it even happened, yet the uncertain or seemingly negative things seem like such a "crisis"?
If we truly believe that our maker holds us in the palm of his hand, that he is the shelter right by our side, and that he guides every step we take along our journey, why do we forsake that in hard times, and fall back on old ways of doubt and fear?
It seems to me as though it would be like holding on to a life preserver while walking on dry, safe land, but panicking and throwing it aside when you get in deep water? Isn't that when we need to hold on the tightest?
For God *is* our life preserver, isn't he? So why do we cast him aside and start feeling negative about the path we're on just because it isn't all smooth sailing?

God, I ask you to hold on to me even during the times I unconciously am trying to cast you aside. Please know that I want to grow with you and learn to trust you during good times and bad. Help me learn to recognize and praise you for the good things in life, and to look at anything I may view as negative through different eyes.
I know that through you anything is possible. Even something that may seem impossible to us.

On this 7th anniversary of the eve of 9/11 please be with all of those that were affected by that tragic day, and with everyone that has since been affected by the after effects.
God, I know you can take the bad things this world throws at us and use them for good. Help us all to see that good a little more often, God.

What will you be able to say?

That is a question I've been thinking about since we left church. It was another upbeat and inspirational service with another singer who nearly had me in tears with her voice and her message.
And the pastor was discussing that he wants this church, our church, to be about changing lives. To get involved with each other to "do life" and make it better...and inspire real changes.
But considering the bible says we were not put here to be served, but to serve, it's not just about those of us inside the church. It's about reaching out to others and helping to change their lives.
So, one day when you're hanging out with Jesus and he asks you "what did you do with your time on earth", what will you be able to say??
If you're anything like me, it made me realize that much like the song that was sung today said "I've wasted so much time, but I want to turn it all around".
I want to set a vision for my life...who I'd like to be as a wife and a mother, what I believe success is, and launch a plan to get there. I want to not be afraid to try something "in case it doesn't work". I don't want to believe the lies the enemy tells me. My eyes are slowly opening to what happiness means to me, and I want to learn to enjoy every minute. I'm going to stop saying I'll "try" to do something and say I *will* do something. You either do or you do not. There is no try. Even if you fail, you still did it.
As I was sitting there listening, I realized I don't want to limit myself to doing something a specific way or being a certain way because that's how someone else did it. It doesn't matter how our friends, our neighbors, our siblings, our parents, or anyone else does something. We don't need to parent the same way, be a spouse the same way, or reach for the same level of success. We are all different...we don't get involved in the same things, we don't value the same things, we don't have the same desires. God made each of us unique, and success is going to look differently for each of us. Success as a parent, success as an employee, success as a spouse, and success as an individual. Once we let go of the way "it should be" and "the way it was" and embrace the individuality God gifted all of us with, we can begin to be truly happy.
Is it me, or is that such a relief? A huge weight off my shoulders I didn't even realize I was carrying. I know I can't be the only one that tries to do something in some way just because someone else is doing it or because that's they only way I've seen it done.
The girl that came to church today travels all over singing. She was sharing her story, about how she was raised the daughter of a minister and they lived pretty meagerly. However, she happened to marry someone very successful financially. He owned his own car dealership. But one day they felt a calling to do something different. And because of that calling, he sold his car dealership, they sold their big house, and they now run a group for underprivillages kids age 9-12. She gives them voice lessons and her husband spends time with the boys teaching them about character. In fact, he went from owning his own car dealership to detailing cars to survive. He recently turned down a 150K dollar job offer because they wouldn't be able to continue their mission.
Yet, other people probably viewed them as successful before. I'm sure a lot of people thought they were crazy when they sold everything and again when he turned down that job. But, contrary to what we hear on earth think, money isn't what makes you successful.
Think about it...when they get to meet Jesus and he asks them what they did with their time...think about what a story they will have. God has blessed them for what they have done and the sacrifices they have made, and they are happier now than ever.
The pastor today was talking about his father who is also a pastor and he was talking about how different their "styles" are. He could have tried to go out and preach the way his father did, but God didn't give him the same personality and abilities. He gave him his own unique spiritual gifts. Dorrien's (our pastor's) goal is to get everyone involved because like anything, you get out of it what you put into it. He is all about inspiring change in every body's life.
I was doing looking at the church website this weekend and realized he got the calling to plant his own church in October 2006. Exactly when Gina was born. Interesting.
So...what are your gifts? Are you using them? Or are you just doing things they way you think they "should be done"? How will you answer Jesus' question???

A fun day!

So we decided to go downtown today and just hang out. It was perfect weather for it...not too hot or humid. Both of the kids really enjoyed it, and so did we. We then went to Sonic for dinner. Myles got such a kick out of them wearing roller skates.
It's so fun to share things you enjoy with your kids and to see them through their eyes.
Tomorrow we have church, grocery shopping and cleaning to do, but we're making the most of our family time while we still have our weekends free.
I have a few cute pictures, but will have to wait to share those until I can get them downloaded.
Hope you're all having a fun weekend too!!

A call from Myles' teacher

Myles' teacher called me tonight to discuss his first day and his sensory integration issues. Her youngest son (now grown) has the same thing, so it was very interesting to talk to her, and nice to know his teacher really "gets it".
Myles told her he was hungry today, and she was concerned about just how hungry he acted. Unfortunately he's still having issues eating, but it gave me the chance to discuss that with her and get her experienced point of view.
I think she's going to be really good for him, and I also feel very confident that he is yearning for the routine and structure school brings to his life. It brings a whole new set of things for him to worry about, but at the same time, I'm hoping it gets him back on track.
He and I talked tonight about making him a calendar, and we really need to do that. It helps him to know the plan.
This teacher doesn't seem as "sweet and tender" as Mrs. Stewart was (and who knows, maybe we'll just always have a soft spot for her as his first teacher), but I think she is his teacher for a reason. She isn't who he was initially assigned to, but due to a few events (that I know happened for a reason) he was changed to her class.
I know she's very interested in communicating with me and working as a team to discuss any issues that may arise at school. Although she'll probably rarely see any, it's nice to know she understands first hand what SID is all about.

First night of bible study

I joined a Beth Moore bible study through church, and tonight was the first night. It went well, and I think I'll like it and get a lot out of it. It's about 18 or 19 people, so bigger than I thought.
I ended up having to leave early though because Gina drank too much before we left and totally flooded her diaper and I didn't have one with me. Poor planner, I know. I didn't miss too much though.
I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone better, learning more, and growing closer to God.
It's my first small group experience, so I'm just proud of myself for stepping outside of my comfort zone.

I have to say that God has been really good to us. I've already learned and grown so much as a person, as a christian, and as a wife and mother. We're not even totally "out of" our situation yet, but I already know that we were meant to go trough it and I'm so happy we have. I already know things will be so much better for us and it will forever have a positive impact on my life. We received a huge blessing yesterday, and it just proved what I alreay know. That the things that are meant to happen will and that they happen when they are supposed to. I am a better, more confident, more wise, more peaceful, more faithful person, and that is worth everything we've gone through and more.

I'm not sure who the stupid one is here...

I took the kids to McDonald's to play tonight because it's 95 outside and feels hotter in the house.
So, I decided to get the kids icecream. They don't like the cones, they'd rather have it in a dish. Now granted, in hindsight, the way I ordered it may be confusing, but I've never had issues before.
I walked away in shock.

I ordered two kiddie cones in a dish (an oxymoron, I know, but it made sense to me)
The dude took two ice cream cones, filled them up, and then placed both cones in a sundae dish.

Yes, I guess that is technically, two kiddie cones in a dish. lol

I didn't have the heart to say anything, besides ask for a spoon

Gina's new words....

I'm posting this more for a memory for later than anything, but thought I'd share some of her new words.
The most appropriate...bite. That girl is always hungry.
Hot. She's been saying that a lot lately.
Side...for outside.
Walk. She says this when I get her out of the car and start to carry her. She squirms and says "walk".
Not sure if I had this on the list or not yet, but another big one...MINE. (We knew it was coming).
Up (when she wants on furniture, not to be carried...she always wants to walk).
Wipe. She is in love with wipes.

She's also getting very into her hair. She doesn't like me to brush it (I swear her hair tangles so bad), but she thinks she is the STUFF when I put a barette in it and walks around showing it to all of us.

She knows eyes, nose, mouth, ears, hair, feet, hands. When you ask her where her eyes are, she bats them at you. It gets me everytime.

She's still a cleaner. She picks our shoes up when we take them off and puts them in the closet. Yesterday when we were getting ready to go she knocked a picture of the table. She had to go back to pick it up and put it back before we left. (She's just like her name sake).

Can't believe my sweet baby is almost 2.

Meet the Teacher

We had Myles' Meet the Teacher last night for preschool. His teacher is Mrs. Stromenger, and the aide is Mrs. Hubbard. He seemed to do well, maybe just a bit shy and akward. I had to bring Gina with me though and she loved it. She is the opposite of Myles socially.
It's a bit overwhelming with all the paperwork we received and feeling like there is so much to do, but I think it'll be good for him to get back on track. He goes for one hour on Thursday, and then from 12:30-3 every Tuesday and Thursday.
I can't believe it's the last year before Kindergarten!! And really, if it wasn't for his late birthday, he'd already be there. Time goes so fast.

Cheyenne, Cindy's daughter, lost her first tooth over the weekend and starts Kindergarten this Friday. It was a big (and sort of sad) week for Cindy. And the fact she's only 6 months older than Myles is a reality check to me. When they were babies 6 months seemed like so much, but not now.

The teachers did have a little "gift bag" for each of the kids with a pencil and note pad and his favorite...bubbles...so that was a big hit. He's already been for a year, so I don't know why it's making me nervous...I feel like it's my first day of school all over again. New school years always did make me nervous...I guess it's no different now that I'm the parent.

A silly story about last night...mom had asked Myles to call him when he got home. So he knows how to do that by himself now because her number is programmed as a speed dial in my cell phone. Well, Mom was away from her phone, so dad answered.

Myles got the most disappointed look on his face and said "I didn't call you" and hung up. Not nice, I know....but sort of funny the way it happened. No one can replace his G-ma. Not even Grandpa.

And he strikes again....

Myles: Do you like how it's so sunny and pretty and warm out today?
Me: Yes, I do.
Myles: I thought you would.
Me: Yup, it makes me happy when the weather is like this.
Myles: Then why have you been yelling at me all day?

To smack him or hug him???

A conversation with Myles

Myles: (totally out of the blue) How long was I in heaven with God before I was born?
Me: I don't know, Myles.
Him: Why don't you ever know anything?
M: Because you ask complicated questions for a four year old. Maybe we'll just have to ask God when we get to see him again some day.
H: I need to go talk to God now.
M: Why is that?
H: I need to tell him to quit making it rain on me.
M: Well, it's not just about you, sweetie. That's his way of watering things and making sure they grass and trees and flowers have enough water.
H: Why, so they can grow?
M: yes, exactly.
H: Well, why do you want it to grow? Everytime the grass grows daddy just has to cut it.

And that, my friends, is the simple logic of a four-year old!