Forward only?

Yesterday Derrick went to leave work and his car would not go in reverse. It just wouldn't do anything.
He ended up having to have it towed out of the garage to street level, at which point he found that it would go forward. Hmmm...that's not good.
So, I called a few places when I got home from work and ended up talking to one very nice guy his took his time to explain some things to me and was just very professional and sincere.

Although it was hard to like him too much as he was telling me we needed a new transmission.
For our Acura. Which isn't just your average bear when it comes to any parts, transmissions included. This is the car we bought used and still paid a lot for with the hopes it'd last forever.
Apparently that year was a "bad year" for transmissions in our model though. Of course it was. Let me just say this is a VERY expensive fix. Very. Exensive. Plus we need a new timing belt. Also not cheap.

I want to joke about how we could probably avoid getting it fixed if we just wanted to make a lot of left turns from now on or about how it's not bad to only go forward and not backward in life, but the same isn't true about a car, I wanted to share some random thoughts I've had.

Bear with me, as this is long, but I need to get it out for my own sake if nothing else.


1. My first reaction was not to totally freak out. It was "well, God has a plan for us and I have to trust him on this one". Do you know how huge that is? A year ago I would have had a heart attack and my world would be ending. I'd be up all night crying, not sleeping and having panic attacks. And I'm not teasing.

2. Thank God this didn't happen a year ago. Not because of what I just mentioned above but because we would have had NO. WAY. to pay for this. None. However, my husband lost his job about a year ago, and since then we've done a lot of things and worked very hard to change our budget and save as much as we can, including him getting a second job. While I have to be honest and admit I am very sad and bummed that we may need to deplete almost all of that savings, I have to acknowledge the fact that it's there. We have a savings that can cover this.

3. While praying (!!) God was good enough to give me back my memory verses.
1st one was:

Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I know that he has plans for us and they are not to harm us. I know he wants to give us a future. While I'm a little upset that this is costing so much money to fix, I know that we will still have a bright future and this will turn around for us. Because it just has to. I just hope that as much "bad luck" as we've had the last couple of years that we have just that much "good luck" in the future.

The 2nd one was:
Faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we can not see.

Right now I'm struggling because I want certain things for our future I can't see. I don't know how we are going to get out of certain holes and really rebuild once and for all. But I have faith. And I know that just because I don't know HOW it will happen doesn't mean it won't.

4. People can say "what a bad time for this to happen", but really I don't know that it is a bad time. I have no idea how His hand has already been on this situation. For all I know the transmission was supposed to go out 6 months or a year ago and He kept that from happening until we did have enough in savings.
For all we know instead of just not being able to put the car into reverse when it was in a parking garage a bad accident was avoided.
I trust in His timing even if I don't really like it today.

5. At the end of the day this is a car that needs to be fixed. And money will fix it. How many people have the type of problems that they WISH money could fix? So many problems can't be fixed without money. Maybe I should be happy that something that "simple" can fix this problem. I still can't stop thinking of sweet Cora Paige and how her parents would pay ANY price to have her back. A transmission seems so small in comparison.

6. We all have our weaknesses. Those sore spots in our life that make us feel anxious or sad or angry. The Enemy knows each of our weaknesses. He knows mine well. It's money. It's what makes me feel secure and it's what reassures me that things will be okay. I know he uses it against me. I know he waits until there is a "smooth patch" and brings it up to me again. But I also know that when it no longer has a hold on me...when I no longer let it affect me the way it used to...it will stop being used that way. This situation was like a mirror to me...letting me see my reflection and how much I've grown in my relationship with Christ. I did not become desparate and angry and anxious and filled with fear. There is no fear in me. I know HE is behind me. Supporting me. There is nothing to fear.

7. And lastly, God never promised us a smooth ride through life. But he did promise us a safe passage into Heaven. This is but one small bump in the road.

Is it okay if I just hope we hit calm waters for a while?